A-m (umopapisdn) wrote,

Interesting chat this afternoon with a friend. Well, actually, it became more like an argument... He was saying that basically, if a person has (ever) slept with someone of the same sex than he/she is either Gay or Bisexual. I was arguing that I don't think its always the case. But in the heat of the moment I got a bit flustered and couldn't express everything I wanted to say. So I just now sent him a clarifying e-mail.

Basically, when I looked up the Dictionary.com definition of Gay, I got: "Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to
persons of the same sex," with which I can concur, but it leads to having a more specific (common) definition of sexual orientation. I like very much the description outlined in this article. It's complicated, but I guess I have a very strong belief that one's specific sexual
behaviour can at times be outside of (or contradict)his/her sexual orientation.

For example, a prisoner, participating exclusivly in Gay sex (because the population of partners is 100% male), is not necessarily Gay in his sexual orientatation. He can be straight, and choose Gay sex over celibacy for the period of his confinement. As I see it, his behaviour does not necessarily shift his orientation.

Likewise, its true that right now I am attracted to the idea of participating in Lesbian sex (I'm comfortable with the term bi-curious even), but I still feel that even if I do end up exploring an intimate/sexual situation with a woman, I don't know if I'll ever consider myself bisexual. I'm not interested in pursuing any kind of long-term committed relationship with a woman, I'm just curious about the specific sexual act between two women and becoming more confident that I'll explore it firsthand. But my prime time, day-to-day, longings, fantasies and attachments are to men. And I don't think that's likely to change. I think to consider myself bisexual, I'd have to actually be interested in having a relationship with a woman -- to be interested in falling in love with a woman.

So anyhow, that's what I believe with respect to the definition of Gay, and sexual orientation. But I guess as far as an 'outsider labelling' perspective goes, many times anyone who's participating in Gay sex would be considered Gay whether or not he/she chose that label for him/herself... I guess what I am trying to say with all the above is that I'm just not sure how useful that is. It can make things more complicated I guess, all the labels... like I could say when I meet a potential partner "Hi, I'm straight-oriented with a straight-identity and a bi-curious-behaviour." Or we could just all shut up and fuck whomever we please! :)
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