International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not
identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
"Al-gebra is a problem for us,"Ashcroft said. "They desire solutions by
means and extremes,
and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use
secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns',
but we have determined they! belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or
profound statement by the president.